Throughout the years, I’ve been exposed to a lot of things I’ve grown to care about and follow closely. I used to live in my own bubble, and my life mostly consisted of my parents, my piano, my books, and the internet, most of which I used to casually stalk other people on facebook, and watch korean dramas. During my high school years was when I started to pay attention to movies and film music and start a notebook. But it wasn’t until college that I ventured out of my bubble, became friends with gay people, started reading up on news and politics, and discovered through experience how wrong it was to assume people thought, felt, or processed things the same way I did. I made friends, drifted apart from friends, and learned how it was normal for shitty things to happen, but that it was still important regardless to retain my empathy and sensitivity in a healthy amount. I’m proud that I’ve decreased my level of ignorance, even though I’m sure there are still tons of things out there I’m not aware of.
And now it’s come to the chapter of post-graduation life. In the three years since college, I’ve continued to grow by becoming more aware of myself as a person as well as building on my understanding of different issues globally.
- I’ve struggled with my one-foot-in-one-foot-out stance on Christianity
- One of my passions have become following the representation of Asian-Americans across the spectrum of different things, particularly media (shout-out to BTS and Awkwafina in particular this week!)
- I’m really disappointed in the Kavanaugh-Ford result this week, and find it harder to have faith in our government in general. I also need to read up on what the current election situation is.
- I’m now a partial-vegetarian: I’ve been such for about 2-3 months now. I consciously avoid beef/cow and pig/pork now. I don’t buy it, and if there were other food options I would choose the alternate food option. The only time I still eat it is if for example, my mom made pork soup and it’s already been prepared, or if I’m at a friend’s house and it’s rude to refuse. The reason being, from a moral perspective I’m not sure I could kill a cow or pig unless I had no choice, especially being aware that a pig is smarter than a dog, and dogs are so wonderful and intuitive. I think I’d be okay killing a chicken or seafood though, so I still eat those. I also understand why people consume meat, but the food should be treated with respect. My mom used to lecture me on starving kids in Africa and never to waste food. It gave me a lot of pressure especially since I had eating problems as a kid, but as an adult, I fully understand what she was getting at. From my perspective, eat it if you want, but don’t just eat a bite and throw it away nonchalantly. This is particularly for meat, because an animal did have to be sacrificed for you to fill your stomach. And because the meat industry is so industrialized, we don’t think about this when we purchase a slab of steak at the supermarket. That’s really upsetting to me.
- Related, but Americans in particular are so wasteful, and our environment is in danger. We’re all conscious now about global warming and entire ecosystems being tainted with pollution, and polar bears drowning or starving because of us. I know the problems are so convoluted and big that I can’t change things alone, but I’d like to rid myself of the guilt of adding to the problems. So some changes I’ve made are to always use my refillable water bottle, and I haven’t touched a plastic bottle in the past 3 months or so. I’ve been nagging my parents to do the same, which is ironic since my mom used to be the one to nag us. It’s really easy to grab a plastic water bottle on the go, but in my opinion, those are there for exceptions, such as emergencies, or for a guest in need. You don’t need a plastic bottle to use at home. I also have been trying to put leftovers in containers so we use less plastic wrap. We have a semi-compost situation where we throw our rotted vegetables and egg shells in a separate bin. My next step is to buy a refillable bubble tea container, or at least a silicone or glass straw.
- I need to organize my clothes and Marie Kondo the old clothes that do nothing for me.
- Some mistakes have happened at work this past week, but not even knowing if those mistakes came from me or something else made me realize I needed to have a talk with my boss about receiving additional training. I needed to understand from a holistic perspective about the company, and he wholeheartedly agreed and supported my thoughts. My co-workers encouraged me to stand up for myself and have that discussion, so I feel grateful and proud of myself for again, venturing out of my comfort zone.
I guess life consists a lot about making choices that you’re comfortable with. I can’t keep focusing on upsetting thoughts like where my potential life could be at if I wasn’t held back by my illness. Even though there are an infinite amount of things happening around me that are terrible, I feel a bit better in the knowledge that I am trying my best to do my part to make a difference, even if it’s just a tiny bit. At least I can live with myself, knowing I have no regrets, that I don’t have guilt in my hypocrisy, and that I continue to push through, admit to my mistakes and grow. That’s what’s most important to me these days.