Conscious Healthy Eating

I think as a kid,  I always had major health eating issues, in that I couldn’t stomach much food.  I felt nauseous quite often, and my mom had many a fit and headache trying to get me to finish a plate of fried rice.

As I got older, I started experimenting with cooking and found out that being in control of the food you consume and want to consume is very empowering and satisfying.  Knowledge is power, and creating meals, a constant in anyone’s life, is all the more important.

Especially now that I am reaching my mid 20’s and my parents are getting older, they ask me to cook food that is healthy.  Of course, it has to be delicious as well for us to not have heavy wandering eyes towards the cookie aisle.  No doubt, fried foods or anything with a lot of butter or fat is an easy route to delicious bites, but what is more challenging is championing a good mix of spices to bring out the natural flavors in food, especially vegetables.

My dad always joked that “if it’s healthy, it doesn’t taste good”, and I want to make it a personal goal to do my research and make sure that I produce meals that are healthy but also tastes good.  I’ve had some hits and misses, but the hits just prove that it’s totally possible!  It doesn’t mean completely cutting out anything with butter or sugar, but adjusting the recipe so that it’s still tasty, but doesn’t sacrifice the health meter.

I’ve had success in creating a few of my own recipes as well!

One-Pan Roasted Salmon and Vegetables 

1 fillet of salmon

Vegetables- bell peppers, tomatoes, asparagus, kale, spinach

Coat all in olive oil (maybe 1 Tbsp)

Spices:  salt/pepper or soy sauce, cumin, paprika, chile powder, a little allspice


Hot chili flakes (optional)

Fresh vegetables finishing touches (optional)- cucumber, avocado

Finishing touches of lemon/lime juice.  If not available, use a Tbsp of rice vinegar instead with the olive oil.

15-20 minutes in mini oven around 350-375 degrees.

I’ve also started making Overnight Oatmeal.

1 banana, sliced (and or other fruits like berries)

5 generous spoonfuls of old fashioned oatmeal

1 cup milk, or a bit over ingredients

2 dollops greek yogurt

1 Tbsp flax seed / chia seed

1 tsp vanilla extract

a little honey or sugar (optional)

This is my new hit my parents love:  Asparagus with cherry tomatoes and eggs.  I also stir-fried spinach, swiss chard, and peppers in rice vinegar, soy sauce, and honey, and piled that in between the asparagus.  One of the eggs broke, but the sauce still tasted great with a little smoked paprika.  Have fun with it!

Next, I’m going to try Oatmeal Blueberry Yogurt Pancakes:

as well as Oatmeal Dark Chocolate Pumpkin Cookies!!



I just want to scream at everyone these days, man.  It’s not that I’m angry for no reason, just that I’m extra sensitive and my eyes are open to how many fucked up situations there are in the world these days and I want to yell and shake it out of the people who are fucking up.  As if that could work.  Could fix, as simple as that.  Wouldn’t that be nice?

Everyone pisses me off.  Everything.  Maybe the person I’m most mad at is myself.  I don’t feel fulfilled.  And I want to do better.  I need a paying job while I go through all this stressful shit.


A Break Up

While I don’t claim to be perfect, in fact far from it, (read this post on Empathy, which makes me feel the burden of the world in addition to my own..), I refuse to lower my standards and expectations of the people I surround myself with.  Ever hear the philosophy that you are judged and influenced by the people you’re friends with?  That’s true.  More than ever.  I want you to at the very least, want to change for the better.  The beauty of never being able to reach perfection is that there is always, always, room for improvement and growth.  Don’t get me wrong – I don’t expect to surround myself with  “perfect” people- I expect us to grow together.  But what does one do when you actually feel like your own growth is stunted by others?  And if one is too “forgiving” or too accepting of the status quo, too content, too stagnant, how does anyone know how much more potential they can reach?  I’m dissatisfied because others are too complacent with themselves.

Then comes the frustration, but also the acceptance that we can’t force people to change if they don’t want to, as I am constantly reminded this past year.

I feel a bit like a failure, because regarding myself, I’m not sure I added much happiness or growth to anyone else’s life that I met this year – did I make a difference, a positive impact in their lives?  I don’t know, but I hope so.  Sometimes, we don’t always get to see the fruits of our labor and the ripple effect of the ripple we dropped in the water.

But at the end of the day, I’m burnt out, I gave it my all, and I have no regrets.  It started out good, but now I don’t know what the point of my presence is here anymore… It’s time to let go and break up.  At least for the time being.

I’ll be alone.  But I’ve felt alone for awhile now anyway.

Wake Up Call: Steps to Motivation

  1.  What I realize is that it’s important to acknowledge what’s not okay, it is therapeutic to take a break and treat yoself, vent your frustrations (to the right people), and then-
  2. If possible, meditate and focus on what’s still solid and good in your life.  And finally-
  3. Also if possible, work on motivating yourself, and-*
  4. (If possible lol), work on improving yourself.

*The Step 3 is important because motivating yourself, whether that means forcing your ass out of bed, giving yourself a pep talk, finding someone else to encourage you, is definitely a step all on its own, but people tend to skip it.  Without Step 3, Step 4 is nearly twice as difficult.

In application to today, my frustrations:

  1.  That hospitals are as susceptible to fuck ups as any other organization or business, except it’s people’s health and lives at stake.  Today, I was almost given an arterial blood gas test when it wasn’t ordered for today- some problems with printing or administration reasons.  Good thing I made them double check.  All the more vital to be aware of your own shit.  Treat yoself:  I spent quality time with my friend, took a moment to be proud that even on a comparably grumpy day, I was productive, and then of course, bubble tea.
  2. The positive:  I have a select few great friends who are willing to help support me and my burdens in this tough journey.  Today, I vented my frustrations, and my friend listened patiently, but also helped guide me gently with her advice, which is always so precious and useful and calming to me.  Secondly, I came home to my mom telling me she got into a car accident, and after initial shock, for a few seconds I tuned out her voice, just being fully aware that she is still in one piece, in front of me, and that I still have a mother.  No one was injured.  Thank God.  I am lucky and still have so much to be grateful for.
  3. Dragging my ass to to Upenn again made me want to complain incessantly, but writing on here is my way of motivation and clearing my head.  I want to keep working with the mindset that if I were to die tomorrow, what is the legacy I have left behind?  Have I made a positive difference in anyone’s life, and have I contributed usefully to this earth while I was on it?
  4. The rest is obvious, in that my friend was proud of me that I have been slowly, but surely so diligent in achieving my goals of studying and eventually obtaining my Google Analytics Certificate.  This is one goal that I will not let go as it is totally doable and there is no excuse for me not to have it.  The rest is being able to forgive my friend, even if it takes a lot of time, something I was and am having a hard time being able to do, because there was a loss of trust and loyalty, and that is everything to me.



Am I Scared? Yeah.

The other day, I was talking to an evangelist and gave him a very brief update on my life.  I told him about my evaluations coming up and he asked me if I was scared.  HECK YEAH I’M SCARED.  But thinking about it and focusing on it and letting it paralyze me from my goals and living life isn’t the way to live.  So I try not to let it disrupt me too much.

But I had a dream last night, one of those dreams where you wake up in a dream and don’t really realize you’re in one (Inception lol), and I was in a cozy hospital bedroom, and as I moved, I realized I could breathe a lot better than I ever did.  However, as I moved, I realized that there was a deep wound under my right boob, and I realized I had gone under some sort of lung surgery.  Then I was in pain, or however close pain can be replicated in your mind in an alternate reality, and then it was not so fun.

When I actually woke up, I realized that this alternate reality is not so alternate, and then I’d have to prepare for twice the amount of pain as a double lung transplant would mean an incision under both my boobs.  This is fear.

Triggered Memories and Hope: Subzero Warm Mask (Solution for Lung Patients)

Triggered Memories

I’m having a coughing fit and my mom tossed a bag of HALLS Defense cough drops at me, the vitamin c assorted citrus kind… and suddenly I thought of a memory probably from 16 years ago when my 3rd grade homeschool teacher took one out and offered it to me in my dining room, where I’m sitting now.  I was too young to understand that my education was at the mercy of my homeschool teachers, and at their kindness and understanding. It makes me more determined to teach compassion to those who don’t innately have it, and I get the whole annoyance of being “too politically correct,” but I also think there are way more people who have the sensitivity of a rock.


I was web surfing and thinking, what can I do to help my medical situation now?  To tailor my situation to help improve my quality of life, instead of moping on what’s happened and what will?  I’m thinking of investing in a Modobag, the travel suitcase that you can sit on and glide through airports for so I can save energy and make things a bit easier on my body.   I also came across a subzero warm mask yesterday, and if it’s as great as the comments say it is for people with lung problems, then I will be super grateful.  It would be life changing and help me so much in being able to navigate the winter and the cold and allow me to go out and spend time with people and do my job and so many opportunities that feel robbed from me.

Confessional thoughts 9.14.17 thursday3am

My anxiety is lording over me and I’m fighting it. The monster is threatening to consume me but I won’t succumb.  Maybe it would be easier to let myself feel all the fear wash over again. 

Here’s to doctors and hospital administrations and insurance ppl and everyone who fucks up my life in more ways than I can count. First your lab ppl fuck up and miss the second sheet of orders causing me to have to return 3 more trips to that dreaded place. Then the pharmacy fucks up and I keep getting rejected getting my medication for like a month because someone sent it to the wrong insurance.  Then we’re told we can get these evaluations done within two weeks in three days but now it’s over a month later and four days long. Pretty sure there are other fuck ups but I cant even recall right now. What the actual fuck. Life is really testing me. My life is a series and a canvas and a model of fuck ups.

Ok I’m done with the self pity