I just had a really fun and good night. After years of starting to really resent the piano and classical music in general, tonight I dragged friends along with me to a low-key performance in Princeton, and it reminded me of how much I loved music and playing.
I don’t know, I always hesitated a lot to label myself a musician, because I felt again like I was lacking in confidence and being a stage whore, which you kind of have to be natural with to a certain degree to enjoy performing for others. But I definitely have a deep connection and to music when I’m in the zone, and with some encouragement, I went up after the concert to mess around with the piano, and I totally fell in love. The piano is a Mason and Hamlin, and it just sounded so beautiful I kept playing and gathered a tiny audience again. I improvised a lot and it made me want to go back to practicing and possibly teaching and/or playing.
One of the few things I am confident is in my musicality. Maybe it’s my emotional side but sometimes I felt incredibly sad playing the keys, but in a good way. You feel both worn out but relieved after you’re done. I think I’ll try to go back to composing music and/or doing covers, and recording a few on my SoundCloud 🙂