So… just to put down a few quick notes about my trip thus far:
I’ve been working on being less self-conscious, and realizing that in doing so is accepting all of me, even the “bad” parts that I instinctively try to hide. It may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me.
- The first step, was when I pretty much wore my filter mask the entire day… traveling at the airport, airplane, etc. I wore the mask. It made me feel different even though I knew the mask was cuter than the surgical ones I used to wear.
-felt like some ppl stared and tried to be chill about it
-got tiny bit humid after forever and kind of a hassle on my ears
-caught myself in the mirror and did not feel pretty
-got kinda used to it after the 2nd hour
-was more breathable than surgical masks
-whenever a person coughed or sneezed close to me, I was no longer super paranoid that I would get sick soon after
2) Wheelchair all day today:
=stuck out very much and was pretty self-conscious, especially at moments when I got up and a couple ppl stared esp since I had no broken legs to show for using a wheelchair
-got no perks at the theme park since you can now pay extra for express lane
-had no freedom for movement since I was pretty much pushed by family all the time (dependent)
-became very aware of anything like a rope or steps that would be super flexible and easy for a walking human (inconvenient)
-did not like feeling so much shorter than everyone else
-was kind of nice to be “pampered” almost by my family, who willingly pushed me around taking turns
-was much more attentive personally to other wheelchair-users
-no longer had headaches or felt like passing out, esp on the rides that were more extreme
-no longer felt past the point of dead after a few min of walking; however, felt that point approaching at the very end of the day (ah! lasted till the end :D)
-speed was much faster to reach all the attraction spots since we were now walking at the avg human pace, not mine
Used oxygen during the plane ride when I went to the bathroom, and my oxygen level dropped to an 85, but then went up to a 91 after a few seconds.?? After oxygen use it went up to a 97. Walking from car to the hotel room my heart bpm was 158, and oxygen dropped to a 90, but standing still goes up to a 93 after a few seconds as well.
-I still had a few moments where I felt like I might break down because my mind started to wonder to the fact that I was so dependent that I would not be able to experience a day like today without the help of being pushed around by someone else, and that my body would only get worse
-Didn’t particularly want to take any photos while sitting in wheelchair, but also didn’t mind as much as I used to
-my brother seemed kind of bored at times, and it made me feel a bit more like my family wasn’t enjoying with me but simply accompanying me to make me happy, which made me feel a little burdensome but they did seem overall to enjoy themselves on the rides.
-During the plane ride here, I saw a brief moment where my dad sort of held my mom’s hand for a few minutes- Why it’s significant: I don’t think I’ve ever seen my parents affectionate much like that, esp for no particular reason (like leaving the country for a month) I thought it was nice.
-I had a heart to heart with my mom on life randomly last night, just talking about some of our problems and experiences we have had with people in general
-my brother more than just the typical gestures of niceness like treating us to dinner today, but actually asked me if I was okay at one point and also asked me if I needed oxygen in the car, and that meant more to me than treating us to dinner tbh
-The Harry Potter castle ride was FREAKING AMAZING. So was drinking butterbeer and seeing Hogsmeade. An Ollivander’s wand is $70- I would buy one if it actually had magical powers… but instead, I settled for a Gringotts key keychain, and a Pumpkin juice drink for souvenirs. Also had two delicious dinners in a row, one at Sonny’s BBQ, and today at Bubba Gump’s Shrimp restaurant. YUM.
-Other highlights: The Incredible Hulk, the first roller coaster I’d ridden in like 10 years… really fast and smooth. the Skull Island King Kong one was not bad as well. Seeing cute little kids geeking out in full Harry Potter capes and waving their wands made my day.
I’M DETERMINED TO HAVE FUN.