- What I realize is that it’s important to acknowledge what’s not okay, it is therapeutic to take a break and treat yoself, vent your frustrations (to the right people), and then-
- If possible, meditate and focus on what’s still solid and good in your life. And finally-
- Also if possible, work on motivating yourself, and-*
- (If possible lol), work on improving yourself.
*The Step 3 is important because motivating yourself, whether that means forcing your ass out of bed, giving yourself a pep talk, finding someone else to encourage you, is definitely a step all on its own, but people tend to skip it. Without Step 3, Step 4 is nearly twice as difficult.
In application to today, my frustrations:
- That hospitals are as susceptible to fuck ups as any other organization or business, except it’s people’s health and lives at stake. Today, I was almost given an arterial blood gas test when it wasn’t ordered for today- some problems with printing or administration reasons. Good thing I made them double check. All the more vital to be aware of your own shit. Treat yoself: I spent quality time with my friend, took a moment to be proud that even on a comparably grumpy day, I was productive, and then of course, bubble tea.
- The positive: I have a select few great friends who are willing to help support me and my burdens in this tough journey. Today, I vented my frustrations, and my friend listened patiently, but also helped guide me gently with her advice, which is always so precious and useful and calming to me. Secondly, I came home to my mom telling me she got into a car accident, and after initial shock, for a few seconds I tuned out her voice, just being fully aware that she is still in one piece, in front of me, and that I still have a mother. No one was injured. Thank God. I am lucky and still have so much to be grateful for.
- Dragging my ass to to Upenn again made me want to complain incessantly, but writing on here is my way of motivation and clearing my head. I want to keep working with the mindset that if I were to die tomorrow, what is the legacy I have left behind? Have I made a positive difference in anyone’s life, and have I contributed usefully to this earth while I was on it?
- The rest is obvious, in that my friend was proud of me that I have been slowly, but surely so diligent in achieving my goals of studying and eventually obtaining my Google Analytics Certificate. This is one goal that I will not let go as it is totally doable and there is no excuse for me not to have it. The rest is being able to forgive my friend, even if it takes a lot of time, something I was and am having a hard time being able to do, because there was a loss of trust and loyalty, and that is everything to me.