That year had been particularly rough on me, and I remember being on a bus in a desperate attempt to swig away my sorrows at TCNJ Senior Night, texting on a whim confirmation to my parents to sign me up for school in Taipei. I was and am always hesitant and doubtful of new and scary experiences, but my grief momentarily blinded me from worrying, and it ended up being one of the best. decisions. ever. Not knowing what to expect, my mom and I hopped on a plane in late May, and our first days of exploring the campus of National Taiwan Normal University excited me endlessly. My mom finally coped enough to leave me to my independence after two or three weeks, and that week and a half was the funnest ever. Sure, there were moments where I was so exhausted I was just barely able to move to buy myself dinner, and sure, the dorm’s strict curfew of 11:30pm was annoying, but for the most part, I was content to be able to manage my life without feeling so restricted. Among the highlights of my trip were:
- Visiting my moms’ old friend’s village, which felt like a town in a Miyazaki film. Her sweet and kindhearted family can COOK.
- Meeting up with my TCNJ friend Lauren at Danshui and having the MOST MAGICAL BUBBLE TEA at a cute cafe
- Going to Beitou Hot Springs and trying to compete against stolid old people by sitting in boiling water on a 90+ degree summer day- guess whose fingers were prunier?? Yeah, we didn’t win.
- Typhoon night where I huddled in my dorm with two yams from 7-Eleven
- Attending a 12 Cellos concert, courtesy of my aunt (phenomenal performance) in Kaohsiung
- Meeting new people, eating and bonding on mini-trips
During these mini travels, after months of therapy was I able to muster the courage to communicate my needs to new friends. I tried to mask my shaky confidence as I explained what I needed: their understanding in walking slowly with me because it was hard for me. I still remember the fear I felt bringing it up to my friend Nio as I walked with him and another guy through the streets, realizing if I didn’t say something soon I wouldn’t be able to keep up, and I was tired. Surprisingly, without blinking or giving me any side look of pity, Nio said “Sure,” slowed down and casually asked me what my condition was. A heavy weight lifted from my shoulders, and I felt acceptance. What I learned was that as inconvenient as conditions like mine were and as rare as awesome people are to find, they exist. And sometimes you have to forgive yourself and distinguish yourself from your chronic conditions, and take a leap of faith in opening up. Recognize that sometimes, you are not the problem.